I'm just a boat....

In my internet "time wasting" i have tried to be more positive by looking up/researching motivational type things and tactics.  Now, I don't know if this is helpful in my quest to change four decades of bad habits (it's probably more like two decades.  I wasn't born with a cigarette craving!  Or was I?) but it has to be better than watching videos of people falling down or researching plans for the perfect zombie attack survival  shelter.....  which we all know that there is no "perfect" zombie shelter... jeez.

I found a quote that seemed to sink in.  I've always considered myself a boat out on the water with my sail up just waiting for the wind.  In other words with a push in the right direction my voyage begins.  Another way to look at it is that it is not MY fault I'm in this situation!  Blame it on the wind!   Anyway...

The quote i found:

 "A ship is safe in the harbor,  but that is not what a ship was built for." - William H Shedd.

I like it and will keep it in the vault to fight off the "Evil Me."

You can't pay your gas bill with it, but....

So I had a few great conversations with some friends and family members this week and it "out of the blue" dawned on me that i have great friends and people in my life.  Now yes, that is a great thing, but how terrible is it that it had to dawn on me?  Am I so caught up in the daily comings and goings of my life that i don't realize that i am literally surrounded by awesome people?  Unfortunately the answer must be yes.

I realize it is a sign of the times.  We (i assume you people as well but maybe not, no offense intended!)  don't reach out to the ones close to us and over commit to people we hardly know.  Being a friend used to be about hanging out, having something in common or even just living in the same neighborhood, now it's just a button you click.  Now you collect "friends" like baseball cards and he(or she) who has the most is by default the most popular.  Most of these friends you have never met and never will and the only interaction you will ever have is clicking on a "like" button or declining to go to one of the endless events your inbox is flooded with.  Btw not everything in your virtual life is an "event" so stop inviting me!

I used to call my friends to do something.  That was pretty much it.  No event or reservation needed.  I had 8-10 real friends and life was pretty good.  My virtual self has hundreds of strangers who have liked my "profile" but wouldn't recognize me or say hello to me if we ran into each other on the street....

The funny thing is, I still have 8-10 real friends, and every time i get to see or talk to them I am reminded as to why i call them friends.  I actually LIKE them!  I don't have to click any buttons or join any events either!  They are the people I know i can count on, they are who i call when faced with a problem or to share news good or bad.  Somehow my family fits in that category too!  I know many people who have little to no relationship with family members and i should realize how lucky i am.

It turns out i am a very wealthy man.  Not the kind of wealth that gets you a mansion on the hill and a ferrari in the driveway but it is the best kind of wealth.  It doesn't rely on a stock market or an interest rate.  I am friend rich and i rely on them.

sleeping in day! nope.... not really.

So i have now adjusted to the awesomeness of seeing the daylight when it's brand new.  Usually i get to see the sun after it's been out for a few... ok... more like five hours and it's kind of like showing up late for dinner.  It's good and you're glad you are there to enjoy it but.... you know it was so much better served fresh outta the oven/grill/kettle/pizza box/french fry bag.  So it has made my morning commute much more tolerable getting to see the sun brand new.  I ALSO get to listen to morning radio DJ zaniness, get to test my breaks (from the sudden stops on the freeway!) and enjoy fresh home brewed coffee!  A brand new sun and all that other stuff which is like gravy on the potatoes???  Totally kick ass!   It's hard to type sarcasm so i hope you are picking up on that.

This weeks basic goals were to just "keep on keeping on" and stay the course.  I have done that but what has really set in is how much i don't really work that much.  I'm a tad disgusted with how lazy i am....

I put things off, avoid doing them or just plain blow them off.  I have acted like I'm allergic to getting things done.  It's not hard stuff, just easier to let it go.  Whatever "IT" is that's in your life that needs to be addressed, address it.  I know it's easier, or at least you think it's easier, but it is not.  Trust me.  I have been dodging and ducking responsibility for a long time and in the short time i've been "facing the music" it has felt good.  Like something, no matter how small, is moving forward.  It's a good feeling.  One that i'm not used too.  One that i would like to get used too.  I know i'm wandering a bit off subject but frankly don't care (write your own damn blog!)   What i have sort of stumbled upon is the more you get your shit together, the more you WANT to get your shit together.  It's strange.  I have some things that have been hanging over me for years that i never felt the need to take care of.   Now i have an almost compulsion to get to these things and start checking them off.  I have attacked in the last two weeks three big things, i actually got up early today so i could get to them.  I'm telling you, i almost don't recognize the guy in the mirror which is ok.  Actually the guy in the mirror is looking pretty good... and maybe a touch younger too!

So now that i'm getting used to getting up early, I'm going to get used to getting things done early too.  Look out cel phone bill!  You are about to be paid BEFORE you're due!

one week down...

This has been a busy week for me.  I started my part time job monday, started watching my food and continued working my night gig AND started taking Karate!  As it turns out busy is good for me.  I'm down almost 9 lb's, made pretty good money for the week and also got a few other things that have been hanging over me for months.  I have noticed that the busier i get the more i HAVE to plan out my day.  Interesting.  I still say the early rising crap is over rated BUT you do get a whole bunch of stuff done (the sitting in traffic is kinda ridiculous but whatever...)

next weeks goal is more of the same.  Settle in, do the work and be more organized.  I am very pleased with week one but must not get too caught up in it and buy my own hype then spin wildly off the track.

one week down, a million to go.

Sprang forward

Today is, historically speaking, one of my most hated days in all of the year.  Daylight savings time "spring forward."  arrrgh..... I have enough trouble waking at a reasonable hour but then take one away and then i'm really up the creek.  Needless to say the only one in our house who likes it is the cat.  He gets fed one hr early and he thinks he has tricked us into it, so for him, it's win win.

This week has been full of little victories.  "Spring fwd" aside i have adjusted to being an early riser.  I gotta tell ya, if you early risers ever gave sleeping in a try you might be REALLY impressed.... seriously.  Also on tap for this week was to get a handle on what and how much I eat.

That's why I worked so hard on  the early rising.  It's better than working on food i.e. reducing intake or restricting favorites and that is.... well.... in a nutshell... that's my problem.  I eat a lot and i like "bad stuff."  Anytime in the past that i was like "OK world!!! You have seen me eat my LAST CHEESEBURGER!!!!" and then like 3 to 5 days later.... actually it's not a time issue... get this, this is what always sends me "off my diet."  If more than 2 people in one day comment in a positive way on my appearance "looking good" "have you lost a few pounds?" Anything like that and I IMMEDIATELY reward myself with something ridiculous like a buffet of all my favorites.  Now when i say buffet let me explain.  I will order a pizza then in the 25-35 minutes to pick it up i'll drive to all of my favorite eateries, get my favorite item from said eateries and THEN pick up the pizza.  Come home and lay out a buffet of superbowl party proportions and literally eat myself sick.  Why do i do this?   I deserve it!  A couple people were polite to me!  A meal of 5-7 thousand calories sounds about right then doesn't it?   Jeez....

What I'm shooting for here is just making a habit of NOT over eating.  I can still have a cheeseburger from time to time but it is not a "reward system" to be exploited.  If i have to have one, if it's driving me crazy then go ahead.  I just need to remember there is a price to that burger.

I'm a few days in and feel good, but I've been here before.  This is something i want.  So like everything else I want, it's time to figure out how to get it.

Consider me sprang.

Fat Tuesday, Fat Wednesday and looks like still Fat Thursday

This weeks real goal was to become an early riser.  Through much research and internet readings I formulated a plan.  The one common thread in all the articles and blogs i read was: no matter what, get up.  well... duh!  I read all of this stuff to boil it all down to "get up?"  Sweet.  At least I'm not still wasting time on the net!!!

The other side of these articles was, in a nutshell, my real problem is I go to bed too late so the only way to get tired enough to go to sleep earlier is to be tired thus getting up earlier will be more.... plausible.

So with a brain full of common sense and farm wisdom i did just that.  I have been getting up earlier and earlier and the result is going to bed MUCH earlier.  Over the last several years i have an average bed time (ABT) of 330am  usually up by 1030am.  this week up at 700am and ABT 1200am.  I'm not bragging, i know lots of people (actually most the people i know) who that is a regular wake up time.  I don't think i deserve a medal or anything.... although a medal would be nice!

On top of the early rise i have been working on breakfast.  I hear its a relatively important meal (top three at least!) and drinking lots of water in the morning.  this has been good.  It feels like a good start to balancing out my eating patterns.  this coming week the tightening of the meals start.  Not going crazy but just whole foods, reasonable portions and a tiny bit of will power.  Here's hoping i have finally turned a corner.

going to the gym now.

elastic waste bands and double XL hoodies

Sooooo.... the real reason i started this blog is to basically journal my struggle with food and weight.  I will always veer off the path and do some goofy commentary (basically the only person who will read this is my mom so i might as well make it interesting!) but being accountable, even if its just to this stupid blog, is a start.  So here we go:

First off this isn't some "woe is me" "it's not my fault" kinda deals.  The real truth is it is 100% my "fault" that i'm packing on more lb's than i want to.  It's simple: calories in and out.  Bring more in than you need and your body saves it for a rainy day.  Let me tell ya, we are looking at a biblical  40 days and nights caliber rainstorm to use up my "savings!"

My real goal here is not to just lose some pounds.  I've done that so many times it's ridiculous.  No, what I'm trying to do is make some changes in my life.  How I treat my body being just one aspect of those changes.  On top of having a full on love affair with cheeseburgers i also smoke like a freight train which is, you know.... awesome.  Way to make good choices.  Oh yeah!  I'm also kinda lazy.  So all of these things combined some 40 years later I'm overweight, outta shape and sort of directionless in life.  Again, this isn't a bitchy whiny kinda thing.  I did this and now it's time to undo this.  I realize it will not be easy, it's uphill and it's about damn time.

So, in closing:  Cheeseburgers less often.  Fruits and Vegetables more often.  Get off my ass and do something.

I've had worse plans.

ps.  Hi Mom!

I might have magic powers...

So i have been trying to waste less and less time on the internet.  It's hard though.  It is the way of modern life.  It's how we now communicate.  I can't remember the last time i received an actual letter.  It's sad really.  The mail showing up used to be special.  You never knew who you would hear from or what you might get (like the x-ray specs you ordered from the back of a comic book!) but now all you get is bills and maybe netfix.  Not really exciting.  But i digress, what i was getting at in my "not wasting time on the internet" thing is i found a new way to waste time on the internet!  You start by going to www.stumbleupon.com and its really cool. It just brings up pages based on a short profile that fit your interests.  If you have 20 minutes to burn it is pretty cool (not to say you can't waste all day and into the wee hours of the morning "stumbling"... or a couple days straight)  ANYWAY... today i stumbled on a recipe for "homemade microwave potato chips."  Say what????  I know!!! So i HAD to try it.  I was extremely doubtful (i have never seen anything come out of the microwave crunchy) but moved forward with diligence and low and behold:  I made crunchy almost store-bought-in-a-bag crunchy chips in a friggin microwave.  I am a wizard!  Take THAT Hogwarts!!  It took me four tries but i got it (it's actually quite easy, just google it and you'll find about a million recipes) and that was todays little victory.  Yay me.

Geeet tooo da CHOPPA!

So this morning, as promised, i was better.  I got up nice and early (we are talking baby steps here!), went to the Arnold (I'll explain what that is), went and got a job (wait.... I did what?) and had a delicious cheeseburger. Other than the cheeseburger those were all things i wouldn't normally do so i'll call it a successful day 1.

Now... The Arnold Sports Classic or as it's known as in Columbus, Ohio: The Arnold.  It's a HUGE event hosted by Arnold Schwarzenegger.  It takes up several buildings, arenas and every hotel in the tri-county area.  I mean huge.  It is (i believe) one of the largest sporting events in the world.  All different types of sports from body building (duh!) to gymnastics to martial arts and so on and so on....  Legend has it that there are over three times as many competing athletes as the olympics.  Mr. Schwarzenegger is always in attendance and addresses the the huge crowd at the closing ceremony.  I know i keep saying huge but it can't be stressed enough how freaking big this thing and it's attendees are.

I'm not a little guy.  I can tell you exactly how not little (I had the foresight to weigh myself this morning just in case this came up) 231lbs and at 5'11" (I did not measure my height this morning but feel very confidant that number has not changed) I'm relatively large, I mean, that's what my t-shirt says.  Actually it says "extra" just in case i was on the fence about my largeness...  However, compared to my fellow guests at the Arnold i was a very little man.  These guys (and gals!) had arms like my legs, legs like the big oak trees at the park and delts like wings off a friggin 747!  Never in my life had i wished that i owned a spray on tan salon.... until this morning that is!

All kidding aside, it's easy to poke fun at something you don't understand or don't "get" so i won't.  One look at my gut and pasty midwestern winter tan and i'm sure i was the one they were rolling their eyes at and blogging about: "Can you believe that one fat guy???  I mean, yeah, he was extremely handsome, but no muscle tone, no respect for his body and he even smelled like cigarette smoke!  What a weird-o."

So, that being said, I might not get what makes a body builder do what they do but i DO get that it takes an unbelievable level of dedication and commitment to mold and transform your body into an Adonis.  I was celebrating that i got up early.  For a one day streak.  Just early, no work out or food prep.  Just early.  My hat is off to you, my new friends (we're not really friends.... they don't like all my bad habits and they think I'm a bad influence) I don't get it, but it is awesome!

Ok... I've rambled enough.   As Arnold would say "Geet to the CHOPPA!"

tomorrow... i'll do better tomorrow.

I always end the day with the highest hopes for tomorrow.  I hope that I'll wake up and be.... well... me... only not as... well... me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining about my life, quite the contrary really.  I have a wonderful family, people who i love and people who love me.  I've lived life without a parachute and let me tell you.... it has been fun.  But.  there is always a "but."  I have always just coasted through life.  Doing enough to get by but not really pushing the envelope.  That is the part of me I'd like to see fade a bit, hell, maybe go away completely....

Anyway, after a very real discussion with my Love, i decided that tomorrow i would be better.  Not just some blind wish but rather, a plan of action.  A time to stand up.

I will do better tomorrow.