It's been far too long since my last post. I found that i wasn't writing anything of great value and for the most part just winging it... like a daily in a newspaper. writing something clever-ish because i was supposed to, not writing for the therapy and need of something to say. So I opted to stop for a while and see if i missed it. Well here i am. Missing it.
About a month ago i went back home to western Pennsylvania to spend some time with my family and recharge a bit. I loved growing up there. It was rural farm country surrounded by mills, refineries and coal mines. It was also populated by the greatest people i have ever known. Hard working honest people. Kind of a tough find these days. I'm sure it's not the innocent, leave you keys in your car don't lock your doors at night place i remember but in my minds eye it will always be that way.
A few days before i went home my Dad invited me to go on a fishing trip with two of his buddies. I haven't picked up a fishing pole in.... twenty years or so but i said sure. He got me a pole and other stuff and i headed east. When i got there i had to go get a fishing license and it was a Pennsylvania Tourist "good for seven days" which was good knowing i wouldn't be needing another one for another twenty years or so! So the next day we get up at some God awful hour and jump in the truck and drive about two hours north east. on the trip we got to catch up and tell stories and have fun but to be honest i wasn't all that excited about the fishing part it was just a chance to spend time with my Dad. We met up with his buddies, who are arguably the greatest people in the world, and get to fishing.
Something amazing happened then. It was 1979. I didn't have a worry in my head. I was just fishing with my Pop and everything was right in the world.
The fishing was great, i literally caught a fish every cast. So many fish i almost ran out of bait! We're catch and release people so i didn't have to gut (and not eat!) the slimy bastards either. Which is a real plus in my book.
every once in a while i would catch my Dad watching me and i could tell it was 1979 for him too. It was that rare smile we all so rarely get. The one that says life is good.
A week or so later I was cleaning out my Jeep and found my PA tourist pass and it dawned on me that i don't live there anymore. I know. I left there in 1995. You'd think it would have sunk in but it hadn't.
I will always refer to PA as home and i still claim my yinzer blood with pride. I miss my family and friends. I am glad I grew up there.... I'm also glad i left. I get to see it with new eyes and love every time I go back.
I know people that live on the coast that never notice the ocean anymore. They just live their life and sometimes get reminded that they live in somebody else's paradise. By leaving, that farm town will always be my paradise.
So I kept my license and it is still sitting on my dresser. Every time I see it I think of a boy and his father and the best day they ever had.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
the Hunger...
I started very strong out of the gate with my "change your life in 30 days or you money back!" attitude but as i saw little bits of success here and there i sort of let off the throttle. I dropped a quick 15 pounds, which is great but i want a total of about 30 and the 15 i lost just got me back to my "normal" of the last several years. I have reasons for losing the weight. Just not the motivation. I am lump summing all my forward movement but by doing so I am allowing each "category" to slide.
"Well I maybe am not losing as much as i want to but look at how many times i've hit the gym and i'm doing well financially so.... yeah.... I'm doing fine and yes, I'd like a large fry to go with that double bacon cheeseburger!"
I wish i could say i'm exaggerating but no. I did run back to the waiting arms of my cheeseburger friend, but it was for just a quick visit. I shan't be returning anytime too soon.
I did get a little advice though that i'm trying to work in my daily routine. PLANNING. Every morning while the coffee is brewing and the bagel is .... bageling? I will take pen and paper (old school analog data entry!) and jot down a a few things that need done or my attention AND focus on food a bit. Just a written reminder to eat when i should and what i should. Things like "in a hurry" don't qualify as a valid reason to hit a drive through or drain a bag of chips and with a little morning reminder maybe they will happen less and less.
I refer to my appetite as "the Hunger" and give it a personality and it drives me to feed... I kid about it but I also use it as an excuse.... from now on The Hunger is retired. It's just a chemical reaction in my noodle, that's probably really just thirst, so slow down. Have a glass of H2O and think about what you NEED to eat, not what you want. If you hang in there it will end up being the same thing.
Nothing says i can't visit my cheeseburger friends from time to time but I won't overstay my welcome for a change.
Now get back out there!
"Well I maybe am not losing as much as i want to but look at how many times i've hit the gym and i'm doing well financially so.... yeah.... I'm doing fine and yes, I'd like a large fry to go with that double bacon cheeseburger!"
I wish i could say i'm exaggerating but no. I did run back to the waiting arms of my cheeseburger friend, but it was for just a quick visit. I shan't be returning anytime too soon.
I did get a little advice though that i'm trying to work in my daily routine. PLANNING. Every morning while the coffee is brewing and the bagel is .... bageling? I will take pen and paper (old school analog data entry!) and jot down a a few things that need done or my attention AND focus on food a bit. Just a written reminder to eat when i should and what i should. Things like "in a hurry" don't qualify as a valid reason to hit a drive through or drain a bag of chips and with a little morning reminder maybe they will happen less and less.
I refer to my appetite as "the Hunger" and give it a personality and it drives me to feed... I kid about it but I also use it as an excuse.... from now on The Hunger is retired. It's just a chemical reaction in my noodle, that's probably really just thirst, so slow down. Have a glass of H2O and think about what you NEED to eat, not what you want. If you hang in there it will end up being the same thing.
Nothing says i can't visit my cheeseburger friends from time to time but I won't overstay my welcome for a change.
Now get back out there!
Friday, May 6, 2011
am I a Warrior?
Several months ago, when i was just at the beginning of feeling fat and lazy, I was looking for something to "train for" to motivate myself. It seems that at that time, in my mind, all my dragons had been slain, all my windmills tilted and all my battles fought. I was determined to find just one more reason to "fight." I found my motivation (or so I thought) at www.warriordash.com. It is the middle aged men's Fountain of Youth! A "race" that is cross country, all terrain and freaking crazy! It's not very long, i think they average about 4 miles or so but its the "up and down" and the "over and under" that will get you. Think military obstacle course combined with a a few river crossings and mud pits. It's over the top. There is no winner or loser. "Finishing is winning!!!!" Your registration fee gets you 1) in the race. 2) a "viking" hat 3) a large "gold" medallion 4) a beer. And it's just what i needed.... or so i thought.
I signed up, recruited a few friends to do the same and vowed that i would run it bare chested (due to my awesomeness and in shapeness) and it would be the beginning of "Race Me." The Me that gets up at the crack of dawn to get a quick morning run in, and plans weekend runs to other towns with friends. My car would be covered in bumper stickers like "26.2" "13.1" "runners like to do it outside" or some other silly shit. I would be cool and skinny! Two of my favorite things.... well... i guess i don't know if skinny is one of my fav's cause i have never tried it!
Anyway, as you all well know when i started this here blog i was wallowing in self pity and completely lazy. Not that I'm a changed man but i have certainly made some nice steps toward changing a lot of bad habits.... other than putting things off. Haven't really made a lot of progress on that one. I looked at my calendar today and noticed i have exactly 30 days to get myself ready for "the Dash." I may still run it bare chested but it will be more Chris Farley than Jack Lalanne. I may opt for a nice dark shirt though... just saying.
So I have 30 days to get my self in some kind of shape. Got my bike out today and am going on an organized ride tomorrow that should be about 26-30 miles but no real intensity. That should get the old leg muscles warmed up! I am thinking of upping the protein intake just a touch to allow a little muscle growth (hopefully!) Also I am currently shopping for a 55 gallon drum of Advil.
I guess this is what i wanted the race to do.... I just wish i wasn't quite as busy now but being un-busy is what got me glued to the couch in the first place. So I guess we'll see what kind of Warrior i am!
I signed up, recruited a few friends to do the same and vowed that i would run it bare chested (due to my awesomeness and in shapeness) and it would be the beginning of "Race Me." The Me that gets up at the crack of dawn to get a quick morning run in, and plans weekend runs to other towns with friends. My car would be covered in bumper stickers like "26.2" "13.1" "runners like to do it outside" or some other silly shit. I would be cool and skinny! Two of my favorite things.... well... i guess i don't know if skinny is one of my fav's cause i have never tried it!
Anyway, as you all well know when i started this here blog i was wallowing in self pity and completely lazy. Not that I'm a changed man but i have certainly made some nice steps toward changing a lot of bad habits.... other than putting things off. Haven't really made a lot of progress on that one. I looked at my calendar today and noticed i have exactly 30 days to get myself ready for "the Dash." I may still run it bare chested but it will be more Chris Farley than Jack Lalanne. I may opt for a nice dark shirt though... just saying.
So I have 30 days to get my self in some kind of shape. Got my bike out today and am going on an organized ride tomorrow that should be about 26-30 miles but no real intensity. That should get the old leg muscles warmed up! I am thinking of upping the protein intake just a touch to allow a little muscle growth (hopefully!) Also I am currently shopping for a 55 gallon drum of Advil.
I guess this is what i wanted the race to do.... I just wish i wasn't quite as busy now but being un-busy is what got me glued to the couch in the first place. So I guess we'll see what kind of Warrior i am!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
April showers bring fits of rage!
I really hate spring. I get into arguments about this ALL the time. "how can you hate spring?" "it's when everything starts to grow and the weather gets nice!"
First off why is it that i must love spring? I hate the constant rain. I hate muddy shoes. People hate the winter because of the weather. It doesn't make them anti-Christmas or anti-holiday. They just don't like the cold and the snow. I completely recognize the awesomeness of of the spring. Love is in the air, grass starts to grow, birds return to my bird feeder and with all those things comes the promise of summer. Now that I'm down with. But stop looking at me incredulously. I really don't like rain and Spring brings all the rain.
Summer prep has begun. I've stayed the course with controlling my eating/better choices and to date I've lost just over 15 pounds. I also started working out in the morning before work and am starting to feel pretty good! I'm not frightened of a pair of swimming trunks in public anymore!
I have also cut the smoking down pretty substantially. I easily smoked a carton a week (which is 10 packs a week for those keeping score at home) and have cut it down to 3-4 packs a week. i haven't gotten to that "i'm done with these damn things!" yet but it's coming. Currently i use a fake tobacco pouch type thing. It's made with all kinds of stuff like licorice and cayenne pepper and mint. It helps keep the "tobacco rage" in check. I don't really know why it helps but it does.
So that's were we are thus far. Feeling good, looking good (-ish!) and hating on the springtime rains.
First off why is it that i must love spring? I hate the constant rain. I hate muddy shoes. People hate the winter because of the weather. It doesn't make them anti-Christmas or anti-holiday. They just don't like the cold and the snow. I completely recognize the awesomeness of of the spring. Love is in the air, grass starts to grow, birds return to my bird feeder and with all those things comes the promise of summer. Now that I'm down with. But stop looking at me incredulously. I really don't like rain and Spring brings all the rain.
Summer prep has begun. I've stayed the course with controlling my eating/better choices and to date I've lost just over 15 pounds. I also started working out in the morning before work and am starting to feel pretty good! I'm not frightened of a pair of swimming trunks in public anymore!
I have also cut the smoking down pretty substantially. I easily smoked a carton a week (which is 10 packs a week for those keeping score at home) and have cut it down to 3-4 packs a week. i haven't gotten to that "i'm done with these damn things!" yet but it's coming. Currently i use a fake tobacco pouch type thing. It's made with all kinds of stuff like licorice and cayenne pepper and mint. It helps keep the "tobacco rage" in check. I don't really know why it helps but it does.
So that's were we are thus far. Feeling good, looking good (-ish!) and hating on the springtime rains.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Bo, Luke and me
Today i was taking advantage of the great weather and a day off by doing some errand running. While out and about i was sitting at a traffic light, just gawking around amazed that grass was being cut and leaves were starting to bud when out of the corner of my eye I see it! A utility type trailer (the kind that tilt for loading/unloading) making a perfect ramp. I immediately flash back to 1979 and can almost hear the Dixie horn of the General Lee. Light turns green, i floor it and tear ass right for the "ramp" and to make it even more perfect there was a cop coming the other way! In my imagination, my jeep was a 1969 Dodge Charger racing towards freedom with that 426 Hemi roaring and rubber burning! Awesome.
Now, obviously i didn't hit the ramp, nor did i engage the local police in a high speed chase. I still can't shake it though. I always wanted to be one of the "Duke Boys." Still do.
I know, I know..... it was a terrible show with unbelievable stunts and story lines. If it was real life and the Dukes were your neighbors you would move! Cops always there, the manufacture and distribution of moonshine, dynamite going off at all hours (dynamite? Really?) and cars and trucks racing all around. It would be TERRIBLE! ugh... and that damn horn. I bet that thing would get old REAL quick if the Dukes lived in your hood.
All that being said, Bo and Luke helped give me a sense of right and wrong, standing up for what's right, a love of cars and a general distrust of the police. I am kidding about the cops of course (mostly!) but that goofy, implausible, Smokey and the Bandit knock off did influence my young life and for that I am grateful.
I hope kids today have something like that. Something that reinforces the good lessons your parents teach you. Here's hoping!
Breaker, breaker - Buzzard to Lost Sheep, Buzzard to Lost Sheep! Come in Lost Sheep!
Now, obviously i didn't hit the ramp, nor did i engage the local police in a high speed chase. I still can't shake it though. I always wanted to be one of the "Duke Boys." Still do.
I know, I know..... it was a terrible show with unbelievable stunts and story lines. If it was real life and the Dukes were your neighbors you would move! Cops always there, the manufacture and distribution of moonshine, dynamite going off at all hours (dynamite? Really?) and cars and trucks racing all around. It would be TERRIBLE! ugh... and that damn horn. I bet that thing would get old REAL quick if the Dukes lived in your hood.
All that being said, Bo and Luke helped give me a sense of right and wrong, standing up for what's right, a love of cars and a general distrust of the police. I am kidding about the cops of course (mostly!) but that goofy, implausible, Smokey and the Bandit knock off did influence my young life and for that I am grateful.
I hope kids today have something like that. Something that reinforces the good lessons your parents teach you. Here's hoping!
Breaker, breaker - Buzzard to Lost Sheep, Buzzard to Lost Sheep! Come in Lost Sheep!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
early ain't so early anymore!
This week has been busy. Not my usual kind of busy. My usual kind of busy was sleeping in, wasting time online, going to a coffee shop or maybe throwing a round of frisbee golf then eating like an escaped prisoner until i passed out on the couch at about 4am. for the last few years that has been my "busy." no no... not anymore though!
I am officially employed. I get up at about 6:30 everyday. even on non work days i get up pretty early. It's kind of odd for me to enjoy getting up. even more odd is how much i enjoy going to bed! I used to be like a nine year old on a school night. Never tired and not wanting to go to bed... ever. Now though i start thinking about going to bed MUCH earlier in the evening (like 4:30 some days!) and i don't fight it. Also no naps unless absolutely necessary.
Overall i have converted into a morning person. This is the equivalent of a vampire enjoying sunrises! I never thought this would happen. It's an honor just to be nominated. I'd like to thank the fans and the academy for the honor!
ok. off to bed. I gots to get my ass outta bed early!
I am officially employed. I get up at about 6:30 everyday. even on non work days i get up pretty early. It's kind of odd for me to enjoy getting up. even more odd is how much i enjoy going to bed! I used to be like a nine year old on a school night. Never tired and not wanting to go to bed... ever. Now though i start thinking about going to bed MUCH earlier in the evening (like 4:30 some days!) and i don't fight it. Also no naps unless absolutely necessary.
Overall i have converted into a morning person. This is the equivalent of a vampire enjoying sunrises! I never thought this would happen. It's an honor just to be nominated. I'd like to thank the fans and the academy for the honor!
ok. off to bed. I gots to get my ass outta bed early!
Friday, April 1, 2011
My little brother is how old???
I can't believe it. My little brother is celebrating his 39th today.... I really can't believe it. If he's 39 then that makes me.... crap.
As the older brother i always tried to look out for him and protect him when necessary. We don't have the same relationship a lot of brothers have. We didn't grow up fighting, getting into trouble or telling on each other. We were a team. We were Batman and Robin. Although we might be a little too old to fight crime with our beach towel capes I am pretty sure we could give it a good shot!
I'd like to share a few things I've learned from the little guy and some things i was proud to be to be there for. First though, if you don't know me (if you're reading this odds are you do.... but) my brother has down's syndrome and has been the single most powerful influence in my life, I can't speak for the rest of my large and loud family but i think they would all agree. The kid is charisma personified. You just can't help but love him.
He grew up in a time when ignorance ruled. People would walk by and stare or be afraid it might rub off..... Damn it..... As I type this I am getting more and more angry...... Well this is about how much my brother has meant to me all these years and it has nothing to do with me hunting down all those simple minded assholes and kicking the shit out of them. Even though they deserve it. Actually that takes me to one of the things I wish i had in common with my brother.
He does not care what you think. He treats EVERY single person nicely and politely and if for some reason they don't like him or are uncomfortable around him he just does what he does. He was having a good day before he met you and he will continue to, no matter what kind of downer you are. He couldn't be mean if he had to. He has never been accused of being an ass. His big brother on the other hand....
He was a pioneer. Many of the programs for special needs children including schooling, education, health and even things like the Special Olympics my brother was in the genesis of these things. I don't like being the first one in line at a roller coaster, let alone the first person to try something ever. He was a part of history and none of us even knew it. Maybe he did.
I love a good football game. I've always been very competitive. That being said, go to a Special Olympics sometime. It will change your life, I know it did mine. You have never seen "for the love of it" shown more clearly. It will also make you feel pretty petty and selfish about your life, which is a good thing too. You see these kids out there just loving what they are doing and helping each other. They are proud to win but it is clearly not the point. You see in them what you wish you could be.
My brother is not wishy washy in any way. If you ask him what he wants, he will tell you. Deciding what to eat or heaven forbid where to eat is an almost impossible task in my household of 2. It's a bunch of "well... what do you want?" "I don't know.... what are you feeling like?" for what seems like hours then you just give up and go to the damn drive-thru. Not my Bro. He tells you. Doesn't care what you want. He might want that too but there is no hesitation in his opinions. Wish i had a little more of that.
He is also hilarious. One of my favorite stories is him and my parents were in the car and he asks my mom to hold something. She does. It was dark so she couldn't see it. it was very small and unusual. She then asks what is it and where did it come from? He replied "it came from my nose" and then laughed for the rest of the trip. I still laugh about that one.
I don't really have the words to express how awesome or charming he is and I am getting a lot of people asking me if I'm ok. Apparently crying and typing in public is cause for some alarm!
He can bring you to tears, make you laugh or warm your heart in the blink of an eye. He has lived life on his terms with no regrets. He is my hero.
I may be taller but when it comes to life, you are Batman.
Your brother,
Robin
As the older brother i always tried to look out for him and protect him when necessary. We don't have the same relationship a lot of brothers have. We didn't grow up fighting, getting into trouble or telling on each other. We were a team. We were Batman and Robin. Although we might be a little too old to fight crime with our beach towel capes I am pretty sure we could give it a good shot!
I'd like to share a few things I've learned from the little guy and some things i was proud to be to be there for. First though, if you don't know me (if you're reading this odds are you do.... but) my brother has down's syndrome and has been the single most powerful influence in my life, I can't speak for the rest of my large and loud family but i think they would all agree. The kid is charisma personified. You just can't help but love him.
He grew up in a time when ignorance ruled. People would walk by and stare or be afraid it might rub off..... Damn it..... As I type this I am getting more and more angry...... Well this is about how much my brother has meant to me all these years and it has nothing to do with me hunting down all those simple minded assholes and kicking the shit out of them. Even though they deserve it. Actually that takes me to one of the things I wish i had in common with my brother.
He does not care what you think. He treats EVERY single person nicely and politely and if for some reason they don't like him or are uncomfortable around him he just does what he does. He was having a good day before he met you and he will continue to, no matter what kind of downer you are. He couldn't be mean if he had to. He has never been accused of being an ass. His big brother on the other hand....
He was a pioneer. Many of the programs for special needs children including schooling, education, health and even things like the Special Olympics my brother was in the genesis of these things. I don't like being the first one in line at a roller coaster, let alone the first person to try something ever. He was a part of history and none of us even knew it. Maybe he did.
I love a good football game. I've always been very competitive. That being said, go to a Special Olympics sometime. It will change your life, I know it did mine. You have never seen "for the love of it" shown more clearly. It will also make you feel pretty petty and selfish about your life, which is a good thing too. You see these kids out there just loving what they are doing and helping each other. They are proud to win but it is clearly not the point. You see in them what you wish you could be.
My brother is not wishy washy in any way. If you ask him what he wants, he will tell you. Deciding what to eat or heaven forbid where to eat is an almost impossible task in my household of 2. It's a bunch of "well... what do you want?" "I don't know.... what are you feeling like?" for what seems like hours then you just give up and go to the damn drive-thru. Not my Bro. He tells you. Doesn't care what you want. He might want that too but there is no hesitation in his opinions. Wish i had a little more of that.
He is also hilarious. One of my favorite stories is him and my parents were in the car and he asks my mom to hold something. She does. It was dark so she couldn't see it. it was very small and unusual. She then asks what is it and where did it come from? He replied "it came from my nose" and then laughed for the rest of the trip. I still laugh about that one.
I don't really have the words to express how awesome or charming he is and I am getting a lot of people asking me if I'm ok. Apparently crying and typing in public is cause for some alarm!
He can bring you to tears, make you laugh or warm your heart in the blink of an eye. He has lived life on his terms with no regrets. He is my hero.
I may be taller but when it comes to life, you are Batman.
Your brother,
Robin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)